I've been running into the same brick wall for a while, from both a developer's perspective and as a user. There's some big fallacies propagating amongst people who think they know what usability is. Now I'm not going to claim to be an expert, I know more then I did a few years ago when I first encountered the area as part of my formal studies and had a pretty contemptible view of it.
And that's the first trap: a little knowledge is dangerous. If you don't know enough to know how much you don't know, you're never going to be able to make progress.
WARNING! the rest of the article looks at the holy wars surrounding Gnome and phpBB. I'm not presenting an argument for either side of these contentious issues, but looking for ways round the ideolgical issues that cause this kind of stalemate.